It doesn't take long when living or working with kids to come to a stand off and have to deal with a temper tantrum. They can be mild and need little parental assistance before melting away or the entire household can be on edge due to a toddler or teenager meltdown.
Some kids are dramatic, expressive or tend to struggle through, while others are more mellow, easy going and unruffled. The situation, environment and circumstances can play a big part in whether conflict erupts or the storm passes quickly. And of course, the way we handle each upheaval can also make a huge difference in whether things ignite or extinguish.
At the first indication of a tantrum, decide quickly if this is minor or will blow over without intervention. Sometimes just letting it burn out on it's own is the best way to dissolve a potential problem.
If the acting out is ramping up then we need to intervene. I always start by trying to get the child to express verbally what they are feeling. Most times just by talking and addressing any issues the need for a temper tantrum dissolves. Certainly taking a few minutes to connect with them can reroute behavior quickly. Other times I find it helpful to distract or divert a child to another activity or have them join me in say, preparing dinner or running an errand.
Sometimes no matter what we do an outburst ensues and often at the most inopportune places and times. We absolutely need to deal with it head on. We may need to remove our child to a safe or separate area if causing a disturbance in a restaurant or at a ceremony and clearly state our expectations for calm and appropriate conduct. We can give warnings if behavior doesn't improve, move the child to time out, and/or take away privileges. In extreme cases we may need to encircle a child and ensure that they are safe as we assist them in gaining control.
The goal is for the child to settle down on their own and to find better ways to deal with stress, unhappiness or not getting their way. When dealing with temper tantrums it's always better for the parent to remain calm and unemotional. We need to check in and make sure we are able to deescalate the situation. If we need to ask for help or take a little time out for ourselves, do it. For modeling self control is one of the best way to help kids learn healthy ways to cope.
I remember not that long ago being in the store with my kids to get a birthday gift for party one of them was invited to. I was very clear before we left home that we were buying only the present for their friend and that I expected them to help pick it out without asking for anything else, and then we would go to the park to play. Usual being transparent with the expectations kept them focused on the task and avoided the incessant "can I get this", "can I get that". Well, for whatever reason all my preparation did not pan out this day and I had a full blown screaming, crying, floor sprawling temper tantrum on my hands. I didn't cave, I surely was not happy but I let them wind themselves down and we finished our errand. But they surely sat out the first 10 minutes at the park on a bench while the others set off to climb and swing.
